am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
