Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
