Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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