you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
