I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize