Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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