Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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