why didn't you poke me back
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize
