I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
