their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
