dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
