Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
