If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
MIDGETS
????
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
