I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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