Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
