just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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