Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
