he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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