god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Randomize
