just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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