Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
