Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
