Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
