I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
