kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Randomize
