can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
If that was your dad, he is hot
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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