I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
