She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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