Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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