that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
