Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Randomize
