Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
We got so high we made milksteak
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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