if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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