i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
