come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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