Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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