Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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