please come you make the beer taste better
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
All the doctor said was why
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
