No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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