Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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