Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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