what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
