i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
