What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
FUCK WHALES
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