you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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