You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
