He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
