I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
