i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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