oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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