chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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