she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
