my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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