i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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