Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
