I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
