I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
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