Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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