I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
