pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
