she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
