Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
