i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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