I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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