I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
