I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize