This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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