i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
