I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
