we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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