His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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