I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
