We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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